Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
