I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
