I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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