Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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