I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
