just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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