sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
