do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
