Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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