Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
