Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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