It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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