nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
