I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Church boner. Awkwardddd
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
