Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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