Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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