Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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