My cat gives me a boner
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
