i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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