he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
