I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
time to smoke my breakfast
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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