the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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