Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
