I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
