Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
