2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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