Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize