I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
