96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
