Got a toothbrush?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
