I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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