i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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