just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
