So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
