Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize