You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
