i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
