After last night, I could never be a politician.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
