You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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