Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
