I am puke
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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