It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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