It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She bit a glass in half.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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