dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
