we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
