she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
