I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize