You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
