I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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