I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
