I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
