the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My legs feel like baby dolphins
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
