I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
