I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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