i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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