Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
