He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
