I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
