The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
