our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
