She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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