He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
