Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
