Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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