I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
