I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
