Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
