Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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