margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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