it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
