its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
