i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
